A Better Grip <3

What a terrible thing it is to wait. It seems like everything lately has involved waiting somehow. Currently, I'm waiting to write my greek and roman history paper. This waiting, unlike the kind that is beyond my control, is often reffered to as procrastination. Now, I'm quite good at procrastinating; I'm still debating on whether it is in fact my spiritual gift or not. Just kidding, but like many of you I'm sure, it's quite easy to put things off. It's not quite so easy to wait on God's timing, though.

I continue to struggle with the fact that I have absolutely no problem putting off things that I can seemingly do by myself, but I can't trust God, my absolute Creator, to take care of stuff. If I was a bystander, I would absolutely prefer to let God handle a task than that Kimber girl. My track record verses God's would defintely have me coming up with the short stick, if I even had a stick at all.

But here I am, the girl who never met a decision she couldn't worry over. And the worst part is that I know what God says about worrying and trusting and waiting. I know it; I've read it. Why can't I just simmer and let go? And it's like I get glimpses of the peace Paul tells us about in Philppians 4, the peace that "transcends all understanding." I was terribly upset the other night about the fact that I have no idea what I want to do with my life, and I prayed that I would let it go and that God would take care of it, as I know he wants to. The next morning, I woke up without a care in the world. All my worry was gone; I knew it would be ok. But that is gone now as I sit here kind of lonely. I feel like Peter as he's walking on the water, it's like he finally figured it out and got it, but then he looked down.

On the stall doors of our bathroom, there are various verses of encouragement and God's love posted. On one it says a verse I've known for a long time. "Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you." I'm glad it's there, because I need reminders like that. Another is from my favorite passage in Jeremiah 29, "You will seek and find me when you seek me with all your heart." I know intellectually that if I want that peace, God will give it to me, I think it's a matter of trusting that really can take care of it, though. I can have that peace that totally takes away my need for intellectual and logical clarity, if only I really trust that God can handle it. And not only that he can handle it, but that he will handle it in the way that is for my best. God says his plans are to make our lives better and not to make us miserable, they are plans that will give us hope and a good future (Jer. 29:11). This may not be necessarily what we think is our perfect future, but God's plans are better than anything we could dream of. We all know this, but it's hard to give up our planner.

In our devos tonight, we talked about worry. It was quite ironic, becuase that was just what I had been writing about on here. (Probably not ironic, more like God) Avery read a passage for us from Matthew 11:28-30, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Jesus wants us to come to him, becasue in him we will find rest for our souls. What an awesome promise.

God also encourages us not to be anxious or scared or nervous or worried about anything (Phil 4:6). Anything. Why would Paul say that if he only meant the big things. Or if he only meant the little things. He said anything, so I'm going to take that as everything. God wants to take care of everything in my life. And I absolutely believe he is capable.

I believe it, but it's hard to break my worry habit. I'm going to keep trying though. God's not going anywhere, and I know he'll help me along, no matter how long it takes. Another bathroom door promise is Isaiah 54:10, "'For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,' says the Lord, who has compassion on you." I love this verse. God promises that his steadfast love, which is an awesome phrase btw, will never leave us. He's not quitting on us. AND, his "covenant of peace" won't be taken away. We throw up the peace sign all the time, but I want the peace of God that takes away all my worries and troubles. And, best of all, here the Lord is described as one who has compassion on you. God has compassion on us, even when we mess up; he's not going anywhere.

So neither am I. Yea, I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing. Luckily for me though, God does. And oh it's soooo easy to write that, but how hard is it to do. So very hard, but we've got an incredible God who's not going anywhere. That warms my worried heart to know. So I guess I just have to keep doing my work, especially this paper, and let God take care of my tomorrow. It should be easier that way, and I think that it is, if I can ever let go enough to see. As David Crowder says, letting go gives a better grip. I guess I'll just wait and see.