A Better Grip <3

What a terrible thing it is to wait. It seems like everything lately has involved waiting somehow. Currently, I'm waiting to write my greek and roman history paper. This waiting, unlike the kind that is beyond my control, is often reffered to as procrastination. Now, I'm quite good at procrastinating; I'm still debating on whether it is in fact my spiritual gift or not. Just kidding, but like many of you I'm sure, it's quite easy to put things off. It's not quite so easy to wait on God's timing, though.

I continue to struggle with the fact that I have absolutely no problem putting off things that I can seemingly do by myself, but I can't trust God, my absolute Creator, to take care of stuff. If I was a bystander, I would absolutely prefer to let God handle a task than that Kimber girl. My track record verses God's would defintely have me coming up with the short stick, if I even had a stick at all.

But here I am, the girl who never met a decision she couldn't worry over. And the worst part is that I know what God says about worrying and trusting and waiting. I know it; I've read it. Why can't I just simmer and let go? And it's like I get glimpses of the peace Paul tells us about in Philppians 4, the peace that "transcends all understanding." I was terribly upset the other night about the fact that I have no idea what I want to do with my life, and I prayed that I would let it go and that God would take care of it, as I know he wants to. The next morning, I woke up without a care in the world. All my worry was gone; I knew it would be ok. But that is gone now as I sit here kind of lonely. I feel like Peter as he's walking on the water, it's like he finally figured it out and got it, but then he looked down.

On the stall doors of our bathroom, there are various verses of encouragement and God's love posted. On one it says a verse I've known for a long time. "Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you." I'm glad it's there, because I need reminders like that. Another is from my favorite passage in Jeremiah 29, "You will seek and find me when you seek me with all your heart." I know intellectually that if I want that peace, God will give it to me, I think it's a matter of trusting that really can take care of it, though. I can have that peace that totally takes away my need for intellectual and logical clarity, if only I really trust that God can handle it. And not only that he can handle it, but that he will handle it in the way that is for my best. God says his plans are to make our lives better and not to make us miserable, they are plans that will give us hope and a good future (Jer. 29:11). This may not be necessarily what we think is our perfect future, but God's plans are better than anything we could dream of. We all know this, but it's hard to give up our planner.

In our devos tonight, we talked about worry. It was quite ironic, becuase that was just what I had been writing about on here. (Probably not ironic, more like God) Avery read a passage for us from Matthew 11:28-30, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Jesus wants us to come to him, becasue in him we will find rest for our souls. What an awesome promise.

God also encourages us not to be anxious or scared or nervous or worried about anything (Phil 4:6). Anything. Why would Paul say that if he only meant the big things. Or if he only meant the little things. He said anything, so I'm going to take that as everything. God wants to take care of everything in my life. And I absolutely believe he is capable.

I believe it, but it's hard to break my worry habit. I'm going to keep trying though. God's not going anywhere, and I know he'll help me along, no matter how long it takes. Another bathroom door promise is Isaiah 54:10, "'For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,' says the Lord, who has compassion on you." I love this verse. God promises that his steadfast love, which is an awesome phrase btw, will never leave us. He's not quitting on us. AND, his "covenant of peace" won't be taken away. We throw up the peace sign all the time, but I want the peace of God that takes away all my worries and troubles. And, best of all, here the Lord is described as one who has compassion on you. God has compassion on us, even when we mess up; he's not going anywhere.

So neither am I. Yea, I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing. Luckily for me though, God does. And oh it's soooo easy to write that, but how hard is it to do. So very hard, but we've got an incredible God who's not going anywhere. That warms my worried heart to know. So I guess I just have to keep doing my work, especially this paper, and let God take care of my tomorrow. It should be easier that way, and I think that it is, if I can ever let go enough to see. As David Crowder says, letting go gives a better grip. I guess I'll just wait and see.

I'll be by your side...

Life shouldn't be this hard. It just shouldn't be. It's not the way God wants it, and it's not the way he planned for it to be. Life isn't fair. Bad things happen to good people, and it's not right, but it's the world we live in. We can't justify it, we can't fix it. Only God can. But he doesn't always. And that's when it gets rough.

God doesn't promise us that he will make everything perfect, or that he will fix all our problems. He does, however, promise to love us with an insane love, and to be by our side every moment of every day. Every time we call on his name, he is already there. He doesn't even have to come running, he's already there! He knows our every thought. He knows when we feel alone, he knows when we're hurt, he knows when we just wish all the crap would go away. And he sooo desires that we would cry out to him when our heart is broken, because I am convinced that no amount of chocolate, peanut butter, or chick flicks can mend a broken heart. Only God can, and he so wants to do just that.

"Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you"

That's by your side by tenth avenue north. What a beautiful love song from God to his Bride. And what a comfort to me. Even though life sucks, as this life on earth certainly does, God is always by our side, just waiting for us to cry out to him. He is there to protect, love and comfort us with his awesome power and grace. Remember, our God is an awesome God. He's all the "omnis", aka, he can take care of it all. But the one he cares most about is you. Just as the little kids sing, Jesus loves us, so incredibly much. He died for us! And how cliche does that sound to us?! But it really is incredible if you take the chance to think about it. He wants us to run after him and cry out to him, not only when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, but always. And he promises to take us along still waters when we do. He has his shepherd's staff in his hand, and who would dare to go up against God's hand, let alone his hand with a big stick in it?! But seriously, He will always protect us from everything the devil can possibly throw our way. If only we will call on his amazing and awesome name, he will answer, because he is right by our side. He alone can make everything all right when absolutely nothing in this life is how it should be. Remember, He will always listen, always protect, and always love. Always.

PSALM 121
I look up to the mountains;
does my strength come from mountains?
No, my strength comes from God,
who made heaven, and earth, and mountains.

He won't let you stumble,
your Guardian God won't fall asleep.
Not on your life! Israel's
Guardian will never doze or sleep.

God's your Guardian,
right at your side to protect you—
Shielding you from sunstroke,
sheltering you from moonstroke.

God guards you from every evil,
he guards your very life.
He guards you when you leave and when you return,
he guards you now, he guards you ALWAYS.

This is to have succeeded....

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

My aunt and uncle gave me this amazing quote typed on a slip of paper for graduation. I read it, thought it nice, hung it on my wall and trotted off to college without paying it any mind. When I went home last weekend, though, I noticed it, slipped on the corner of one of my pictures, and I read it again. All of a sudden it hit me like I had never read it. What an incredible definition of success! I packed it in my suitcase to take back to school and it now is taped up on my bookshelf over my computer. Each day, as I sit doing homework, or rather on facebook lol, I see it and am reminded of what I am doing in this life.

Now ultimately, I believe we are made to glorify God in everything we do, whatever it is. One of my favorite verses, but one of the hardest to live by in my opinion is Colossians 3:23. "Whatever you do, do it with your whole heart, as for the Lord and not for men." Or something like that. However, does not Emerson's description of success include many things that God commands us to do? Especially the last part: "to leave the world a bit better..." We are called to better the world we live in that is so tainted with sin, primarily by being examples of holiness, set apart from the sin of the world.

The last part of this quote is my favorite, though. "To know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived." Wow; that is my goal. What a beautiful picture of someone whose life has mattered. I have been struggling lately trying to decide what I want to major in, not to mention what career I plan to pursue. I've been trying to trust God to guide and lead my as he so frequently promises he will do. In my old testament history class, we are studying the remarkable lives of the Patriarchs, who, though they were as imperfect as you and I, believed God and trusted him to guide their every move. Of course they slipped and stumbled along the way, but overall, what an amazing example of faith! In Hebrews 11 this is all compiled together to show their incredible faith in God's plan. Genesis says that "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness." Wow, I hope I can have that kind of a faith-unswerving and steadfast.

Anyway, such a faith and trust is hard to develop. It's definitely hard for me, such a planner and worrier as I am, to not know what I'm going to be doing in a year, or ten or 25. But then I read this quote, which is why I have hung it up in front of me, and I remember. No matter what God sets before me to do or where he takes me, I will always strive to let at least one life breathe easier because I have lived. This is the message of Christian hospitality and generosity and kindness. To let one life breathe easier, with the hope that, instead of crediting that to you, they will credit it to the Lord, and see that his marvelous love is really the thing behind it all.