"I See You"

I write to make sense of my world. A lot of times life doesn't happen the way you think it will, or work out like you planned. And sometimes, that's ok. Usually at the beginning, it's horrible and terrible, but I've found that God's plan is way bigger than mine. He can see waaaay further ahead than I can, and he truly does have my best interests at the very center of his mind and heart. Sometimes the events that seem like the end of the world are only the beginning.

If you're looking for a collected and organized thought here, I'm sorry to disappoint you. I'm afraid this post will consist more of a couple disjointed thoughts strung together by punctuation than some revelation or idea. Usually it seems that the things God is showing me relate to each other in some way, but it seems different right now. I have been continuing to see that God's plan is usually unexpected, but undoubtedly superior to mine. I have also confirmed in my mind that I love to write, sensical or not. Whether it's an encouraging letter or a general pondering of what God's showing me (like this), I just plain love it. Just throwing that out there. haha.

I want to share something I have been facing recently, much to my puzzlement. During finals week, I had three consecutive nights of dreams about inescapable death. Yea, kinda dark, I know. I think those were the result of Bible school study of the Bible-in depth and detailed. One too many classes on the martyrs of Acts and the Old Testament's holy war, with my high stress level piled on top, resulted in some scary nights for this little girl. Since then, I have not had anymore nightmares. I have, however, been unusually paranoid about safety. I don't know if it's the bad weather that has me constantly thinking of the worst or what, but I find myself worrying for my safety and the safety of others waaay more than is usual, necessary, or normal. Luckily, I have a God who is much bigger than my fears. Thanks to one of my favorite passages, Philippians 4:6-7, I have been able to deal with this random paranoia pretty well, I'd say. I was thinking about why this was happening the other night, and I realized that it doesn't really matter, because my God is truly the biggest and the most awesome God ever. I know that his plan is perfect. End of story. Never the less, this got me thinking about how I view God. I think that different people appreciate, if you will, different aspects of God. I would say that everyone needs all that God has to offer, but that they focus on different aspects of God's character based on their own needs. I, for example, look to God for protection and guidance most often. While I absolutely need God's forgiveness or mercy, I find myself thinking most often about how God protects and comforts me. I'm sure this is because of the conditions of my growing up and different circumstances of my life. With this in my mind, I find myself reveling at the vastness of our Creator. 6 billion people in the world, and we have a God that can relate to, cater to, and take care of each in the special and unique way that they need. What an awesome God! Our God knows each of those 6 billion peoples' hearts, and he knows exactly how to comfort each one of them. Why and how? Because he created you. He created you in the womb and planned out each day of your life before any of them happened (Psalm 139:13-16). You are "fearfully and wonderfully made" by a God who knows your heart and mind so perfectly that only He knows how to give you the peace that you so desire. It reminds me of a brilliant movie I just saw, Avatar. In the movie, the Na'vi people greet each other by saying "I see you." This implies that they not only see them physically, but that they see into their soul. I love this image because it is exactly what Christ says to us. He sees us, he gets us, and he cares about us more than anyone in the world. And when you realize this knowledge and care God has of each of his children, it can become a scary thing that we want to hide from, or it can become an imense comfort that we will embrace in the absolute hardest of times.

So this has turned into more of a connected thought than I thought it would lol. But it doesn't really matter, connected or not. It's kind of like life: it doesn't always make sense or go in the order you think it should. The bottom line is, though, that our God is vast and indescribable, and when you're talking about him and learning about him, it might not always make sense. People deal with that in different ways: some, like me, write, some talk or produce art or sing, or whatever. It doesn't matter how you do it, though, because one thing we can ALL do is pray to our mighty God to make sense of it. Because despite our confusion and the questions, God knows us perfectly, and he's just waiting help us through anything and everything in his precisely perfect way.

So have a happy Christmas and a merry new year. And remember that no matter how rough it gets, or what this next year brings, our God is unchanging. He knows us yesterday, today, and even tomorrow. Run to him in the tough times and ask him for help on the dark nights, because he knows you better than anyone, and he's absolutely ready to save your life.

Not The Leaving Kind...

It's easy to forget about God when the rest of the world presses in hard around us. Whether you lose someone you love or your workload just seems impossible to handle, life can get pretty tough. I can promise you, though, that when life gets too dark to see the light, feel a hug, or believe there's hope for a brighter tomorrow, God is still there beside us, no matter how dark it seems.

One of my favorite songs by Tenth Avenue North says "I'll be by your side, whenver you fall, in the dead of night, whenever you call." Like God is at all hindered by the junk of this world, yea right! No, God is next to us in the moments we just want to sleep the day away, when we feel worthless, or when it just doesn't seem like life will ever get better. Because, unlike people, who may or may not be there for you, God isn't intimidated by social boundaries-no matter who you are, what you've done, or where you've been, God is always going to be right there beside you as long as you call on His name. As the song says, He's not the leaving kind.

In Matthew 28:20, Jesus gives us an unparalleled promise: "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Amen. That's all I can say to that. Because so often I just forget. How is it so easy to forget a God like ours? I really can't wrap my mind around how I can ever let that happen, but I know I do. I know I let the junk of the world crowd my mind and steal the peace that only comes from trusting in God's flawless plan. I forget that the love of my Savior is the only thing I need. And yet, Jeremiah 29:13 says, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." When we seek God, he is right there next to us. He is with us always, all we have to do is look for him and call out to him for help.

I ran across a verse the other day, a whole chapter actually: Psalm 34. It's pretty incredible, not gonna lie. Here's a couple of my favorite verses that have seemed particularly applicable amidst all the drama, tension, stress, and frustration of the last few weeks. Verses 17-18 in the Message version say, "Is anyone crying for help? God is listening, ready to rescue you. If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there; if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath." Now that's a promise I can hold on to. So many verses in the Bible just scream God's love and devotion to his people, but so often I miss them when I could use them the most. Instead I turn to stuff like chick flicks, music, chocolate, or facebook-all cool and awesome things-but never the less, things that have absolutely no power to heal my hurting heart. I really don't know what I'm thinking, when the answer to my troubles lies in an age-old, yet so contemporary, book right next to me, yet I chose to turn on my computer instead.

Despite my stupidity in this area, however, that doesn't mean God gets fed up with me screwing up and calls it quits. Heck no. Quite the opposite. A song by superchick is on my ipod right now. The chorus says, "So stand in the rain, stand your ground. Stand up when it's all crashing down. You stand through the pain, you won't drown." Why won't we drown in all the mess of this life? Because God, Jesus, our Savior, the most Awesome God that was, is, or ever will be loves us so very dearly, and He's not going anywhere. Yea, people always leave, but not our God. If you're crying for help, God is right there, and he is sooooo ready to be your knight in shining armor to the rescue. To get all the love, peace and joy he gives, all we have to do is ask. And you know what's awesome? He doesn't even have to come running-He's been there all along.

Take <3

"Stay with God! Take heart. Don't quit. I'll say it again: Stay with God." Psalm 27:14 (The Message).

Winter is a lousy time of year in my opinion. It's cold, windy, and dead-looking. The sky is almost always cloudy, and the only good part of winter-snow-is only pretty for the first hour or so while it is falling. Not to sound cynical, but winter is quite an unpleasant time of the year. It gets dark way too early, and no one likes to hop out of a warm bed onto an icy floor in the morning. Despite my dislike of winter, it's part of the year, and no matter how much I kick, scream, and wish for summer, the months are always the same amount of time. It doesn't matter how much I grumble, winter is going to stick around as long as it wants. It's just the way life is.

I ran across the above verse last night, and I couldn't get it out of my head. So often I find myself losing sight of God, not because He is leaving me behind, but because I don't make the effort or chose to keep up. Other things get more interesting, and my focus on God begins to blur into apathy. Other times, it's not apathy that trips me up, it's something bigger than that. We all know the phrase: "stuff" happens. Bad things happen to good people, and when we come to that fork in the road, we have two choices, give up on God, or, as David urges us, "Take heart, don't quit, and stay with God."

Life is drab sometimes, just like the winter season. But we know that after winter comes spring, a time of rebirth and renewal. Though it's dark out during those long, winter months, we know that the sun hasn't disappeared, it's just around the corner (of the world), and it will shine on us again. Just like the faithful little sun, God hasn't gone anywhere. There may be darkness, but joy comes with the morning. Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Every winter, we know the spring will come eventually. We have no trouble beliving that. You know who makes the spring come? God. The same God that changes the seasons each year can just as easily change a life. So if it's the same God, and we believe the seasons will change, why would we put our trust in something else less reliable? Don't lose sight of your faith in our all-powerful God with whom "all things are possible." (Matt. 19:26)

So first of all, take heart. Find at least a glimmer of hope in the dark winter time and have faith that the God who changes the seasons can see you through anything. And whatever you do, don't you dare quit. Rather, stay with God, the one who makes the world go round, literally and figuratively. Jesus said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Put your faith in God and keep it there for always; He won't let you down. Remember, winter doesn't last forever.