"I See You"

I write to make sense of my world. A lot of times life doesn't happen the way you think it will, or work out like you planned. And sometimes, that's ok. Usually at the beginning, it's horrible and terrible, but I've found that God's plan is way bigger than mine. He can see waaaay further ahead than I can, and he truly does have my best interests at the very center of his mind and heart. Sometimes the events that seem like the end of the world are only the beginning.

If you're looking for a collected and organized thought here, I'm sorry to disappoint you. I'm afraid this post will consist more of a couple disjointed thoughts strung together by punctuation than some revelation or idea. Usually it seems that the things God is showing me relate to each other in some way, but it seems different right now. I have been continuing to see that God's plan is usually unexpected, but undoubtedly superior to mine. I have also confirmed in my mind that I love to write, sensical or not. Whether it's an encouraging letter or a general pondering of what God's showing me (like this), I just plain love it. Just throwing that out there. haha.

I want to share something I have been facing recently, much to my puzzlement. During finals week, I had three consecutive nights of dreams about inescapable death. Yea, kinda dark, I know. I think those were the result of Bible school study of the Bible-in depth and detailed. One too many classes on the martyrs of Acts and the Old Testament's holy war, with my high stress level piled on top, resulted in some scary nights for this little girl. Since then, I have not had anymore nightmares. I have, however, been unusually paranoid about safety. I don't know if it's the bad weather that has me constantly thinking of the worst or what, but I find myself worrying for my safety and the safety of others waaay more than is usual, necessary, or normal. Luckily, I have a God who is much bigger than my fears. Thanks to one of my favorite passages, Philippians 4:6-7, I have been able to deal with this random paranoia pretty well, I'd say. I was thinking about why this was happening the other night, and I realized that it doesn't really matter, because my God is truly the biggest and the most awesome God ever. I know that his plan is perfect. End of story. Never the less, this got me thinking about how I view God. I think that different people appreciate, if you will, different aspects of God. I would say that everyone needs all that God has to offer, but that they focus on different aspects of God's character based on their own needs. I, for example, look to God for protection and guidance most often. While I absolutely need God's forgiveness or mercy, I find myself thinking most often about how God protects and comforts me. I'm sure this is because of the conditions of my growing up and different circumstances of my life. With this in my mind, I find myself reveling at the vastness of our Creator. 6 billion people in the world, and we have a God that can relate to, cater to, and take care of each in the special and unique way that they need. What an awesome God! Our God knows each of those 6 billion peoples' hearts, and he knows exactly how to comfort each one of them. Why and how? Because he created you. He created you in the womb and planned out each day of your life before any of them happened (Psalm 139:13-16). You are "fearfully and wonderfully made" by a God who knows your heart and mind so perfectly that only He knows how to give you the peace that you so desire. It reminds me of a brilliant movie I just saw, Avatar. In the movie, the Na'vi people greet each other by saying "I see you." This implies that they not only see them physically, but that they see into their soul. I love this image because it is exactly what Christ says to us. He sees us, he gets us, and he cares about us more than anyone in the world. And when you realize this knowledge and care God has of each of his children, it can become a scary thing that we want to hide from, or it can become an imense comfort that we will embrace in the absolute hardest of times.

So this has turned into more of a connected thought than I thought it would lol. But it doesn't really matter, connected or not. It's kind of like life: it doesn't always make sense or go in the order you think it should. The bottom line is, though, that our God is vast and indescribable, and when you're talking about him and learning about him, it might not always make sense. People deal with that in different ways: some, like me, write, some talk or produce art or sing, or whatever. It doesn't matter how you do it, though, because one thing we can ALL do is pray to our mighty God to make sense of it. Because despite our confusion and the questions, God knows us perfectly, and he's just waiting help us through anything and everything in his precisely perfect way.

So have a happy Christmas and a merry new year. And remember that no matter how rough it gets, or what this next year brings, our God is unchanging. He knows us yesterday, today, and even tomorrow. Run to him in the tough times and ask him for help on the dark nights, because he knows you better than anyone, and he's absolutely ready to save your life.